I am filled with so much sadness :(

Last night my father called with some bad news :(
My fathers brother was diagnosed with lung cancer last fall.
Sadly there was nothing that the doctors could do for him because he also has bone cancer. They did give him radiation to help shrink the tumor in his lung. And at that time the Doctors said he could last for 6 months up to 2 years. It all depended on how quickly the cancer would take him.

All Winter long he kept going back forth from his home to the hospital. Either he would be in so much pain that they had to adjust his morphine or pump water off of his lungs. Then in February, the lung that had the tumor in it collapse leaving him with only one lung. He was then put on oxygen 24 hours of the day. He has been filled with so my anxiety just because he does not know what to expect. He started cleaning his apartment from top to bottom and would only sleep for a hour here and there in his lazy boy. Just for the fear if he would sleep in his bed he would never wake up again. This hurts me so much.

Then yesterday he was rushed back in the hospital, his last lung is filling up again with fluid. We have been advised that he has about 2 days to live. I am filled with so much sadness. I was never close to my Uncle but it is so sad to see him go at only the age of 65. To me 65 is still young. You still have so many things to accomplish in life before you go. All of my family have been called and everyone is heading home to be with him. The most of my family lives in Ontario along with his two children. So now we are awaiting for everyone to arrive. My Uncle has 4 sisters and 3 brothers...tonight everyone is gathering at the hospital to be with him.

But what hurts me the most is my 97 year old grandmother. My grandmother is still in excellent health and I am really scared that this will do a number on her. To me, grammie was my second mother. I spent all Winter & Summer vacations along with living with her and my grandfather when I was younger. I can't imagine watching your child die. I pray I never ever have to experience that. But I am so scared that this may take my grandmother also.

You see...I have a hard time dealing with death. I am so scared to die young and when I know someone who passes away it hurts but also scares me because you just never know. It is easier for me to avoid seeing them or going to their funerals. But I know that is not good either. So many people these days are hit with heart attacks and cancer that it is scary. I am filled with so much mixed emotions right now that I just don't know how to react. I want to go and be with my family at the hospital but yet I know all I will do is cry because the minute I see someone crying I break down. I am not someone to lean on...I need someone to lean on myself. I am not strong when it comes to death and I feel that his funeral will be such a sad one since he just recently reunited with his children after having no contact for the last 20 years.

I know each time someone close to me dies, makes me think that we all need to live our life to the fullest. Tell our families how much we love them and how important they are to us. So if you haven't told someone lately how much they mean to you, do it today because we just never know when our time is up.

I should run for now since this afternoon I have Doctor Appointments. One is for myself and the other is for Abby. We got in quickly for Abby to be seen for her Asthma. So it looks like the best part of my day will be spent seeing Doctors. And then I guess I will decide tonight if I want to head down to see my Uncle and all my Family.

I want to Thank Everyone for listening to me, it means alot!